Reframing

I was thinking more about how Guy might have reacted to the pictures of T in the house, and the larger issue of my widowhood and the understandable concern of competing with a ghost. (Does he worry about that? If he doesn't, does that say anything about his sensitivity and emotional depth, or about his confidence and self-esteem? I have never worried about past girlfriends or ex-wives, trusting that they were gone and I was here. I hope that means I'm confident and have good self-esteem. :) ) And I was thinking about it myself -- how do I feel about having a new man in the place where T used to be? How do I think T would feel about it? Having just finished Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project, I recognized an opportunity to reframe my thinking. As I began to imagine T being pleased that I was happy, appreciating the rightness of the champagne, enjoying my excitement, I felt a perceptible lightening of spirit. Though I don't believe in ghosts or an afterlife, I do find it comforting to imagine T looking down and smiling.

And such is my comfort level with Guy that when he called last night, I asked him how he felt about the photos. He didn't have a problem, he said; T was obviously an important part of my life. Ah, he does so often say the right thing.