Sunday, January 31, 2010

Moving Fast

Guy and I had a very lovely evening together last night, but whoa, things are moving fast. I very much enjoyed it in the moment, and I don't regret anything, but dating with a small child is a completely different beast. I am hyper-sensitive to introducing anyone into my daughter's life who may not be there long-term. Or am I projecting? There are certainly plenty of people who casually come and go in our home and routine, and I have no qualms about introducing B to them, spending time together, and possibly explaining that they're not available at a particular time if she requests their presence. But I had Guy leave before B woke up this morning, because I didn't want her to see him in the house first thing in the morning, even though she has no idea what that might mean. Somehow a love interest seems different; will she pick up on the emotional content between us? Will the appearance of a man in the times and places usually reserved for serious life partners be at all meaningful to her, or disruptive if and when he's gone?

Aside from the impact on B, I also feel hesitant to jump into a (this?) relationship too quickly for myself. While I am lonely and certainly want to be remarried some day, do I want a serious relationship, possibly leading to marriage, right now? Can I handle it right now? Even if I did and could, would Guy be the right one? I mean, we really hardly know each other. I don't THINK he's a weirdo, but I sure could use some broader evidence. For example, what are his friends like? How would he interact with my friends? Here's where my lack of experience sizing up people for romance before I know all about them as friends is a problem. I generally trust my judgment of people, and it hasn't steered me wrong yet, but I also have never had so little information to go on before.

All that said, I do really like him. He is interesting and fun, says all the right things, and likes me. As long as I stay open and honest, which I have been at pains to do, we're both adults. Barring impact to B, we can do what we want. Lighten up, and enjoy.


  1. sounds like you are having a good time and you deserve it. SAM

  2. You certainly got it in one- dating with a small child IS a a different beast, and one which is hard to categorise. Doesn't everything just feel so more more loaded (if that is the right word) in a way, even if it ostensibily shouldn't? I remember at the time I met Knox, I wasn't trying to overanalyze anything too much but I was trying to listen to my gut as to what felt right for me and Botany as we went along. Not much of an insight, I know!