I came home today and somehow lost my patience. Everything grated on me; everything was too hard to navigate and took too much effort to manage. I felt overwhelmed by serving dinner, I read the paper instead of playing with B and then was short with her during bedtime because I had gotten the routine started late. My stepson is with us tonight, and I let him play on the computer all evening instead of suggesting a game with me, or that we read together. I just want to have no obligations, no commitments, and be able to do whatever I want.
What's wrong with me? What triggered it? I don't know, but I did notice that I resisted letting go of the bad feeling. Something in me wanted to feel overwhelmed, and wasn't ready to take a deep breath and let it go. There's energy in bad feelings, isn't there? Energy in anger, in frustration, in resisting the way things are.
So I let myself off the hook, let myself be angry and frustrated and pissy. It's mostly faded, but now I'm sad and tired. Ah well, tomorrow is another day.
Oh yeah...real power and energy in anger. Too bad I can't bottle it and use it for something good. heh
ReplyDeleteI too have my moments where I just wanna be mad! I hang onto the feeling as tight as I can and I revel in it. Picture a pig in mud.
And then I lose my grip on it and it's gone. Leaving me just as you said...sad and tired.
I don't understand why but it happens to me all. the. time.
Here's hoping today was a better day :)