Monday, December 21, 2009

Losing Patience

I came home today and somehow lost my patience. Everything grated on me; everything was too hard to navigate and took too much effort to manage. I felt overwhelmed by serving dinner, I read the paper instead of playing with B and then was short with her during bedtime because I had gotten the routine started late. My stepson is with us tonight, and I let him play on the computer all evening instead of suggesting a game with me, or that we read together. I just want to have no obligations, no commitments, and be able to do whatever I want.
What's wrong with me? What triggered it? I don't know, but I did notice that I resisted letting go of the bad feeling. Something in me wanted to feel overwhelmed, and wasn't ready to take a deep breath and let it go. There's energy in bad feelings, isn't there? Energy in anger, in frustration, in resisting the way things are.
So I let myself off the hook, let myself be angry and frustrated and pissy. It's mostly faded, but now I'm sad and tired. Ah well, tomorrow is another day.

1 comment:

  1. Oh yeah...real power and energy in anger. Too bad I can't bottle it and use it for something good. heh

    I too have my moments where I just wanna be mad! I hang onto the feeling as tight as I can and I revel in it. Picture a pig in mud.

    And then I lose my grip on it and it's gone. Leaving me just as you said...sad and tired.

    I don't understand why but it happens to me all. the. time.

    Here's hoping today was a better day :)