Monday, August 2, 2010

I'm Forty-Eight

I'm forty-eight, and I'm tired. It's been a sad day, one where I had trouble concentrating at work. When the going gets tough, I just don't seem to care enough ... and the going was not even particularly tough today. I'm just not where I wanted or expected to be at this point in my life, and I'm staring down 50 like a freight train headed straight at me. I don't know why it should bother me so much, but not being settled in a committed relationship, not being married and comfortable, especially at this age, is very unsettling. I am practicing reframing to look at the positives, appreciate what I have, blah blah blah. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I just need to acknowledge that it sucks, and I'm sad.

1 comment:

  1. ((( Jen )))

    I so understand all of that. I'll be 50 in January, and the reality is that most men our age are DONE with childrearing, or their children are getting ready to leave home; they don't WANT to take on the teenage years again -- and I can't say I blame them. I hate how grim the future looks; I hate FEELING how grim it looks; I hate that I feel that way simply because I'm not happily coupled.

    So no words of cheerful encouragement from this quarter, just a solid "I get it."